so it's been like 20 years since i wrote on this

so it's been like 20 years since i wrote on this.

alright.

i guess i could rant. i don't know. frustrated. with myself. my own pride. my lack of ability to express he feelings and deep thoughts i have. words funk everything up. i guess i wish i had someone here who understood. who shared the passion i have for seeing freedom in my own life and the life of those around me. and i suppose the sunday school answer is that God does. and i think i believe that. but God's got no shoulder i can lean on, a hand i can hold, hair i can smell, etc.. sooooo it'll work out. i think i'm at a crossroads of sorts. one way i could go would be to shun the fellowship i've known in the past, allow bitterness to consume and eventually kill me, turning me to a lifeless little fart of a shell of a man. or i could deal with my feelings and get through the bitterness. love. love. crazy love. i guess with Jesus i know it's a relationship. and people around me seem to make it into some systemized thingy. religion. and i think i despise that. my jesus has freedom for us each. yet people invoke His name to put chains on people. and yeah i've done it myself. i know how it works. religion. and i guess i'm rebelling. against the social institution of the church. and i hope that's fine. i'm not rebelling against God, just a misconception commonly held about Him.