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Ai WeiWei 2008

Ok, it's a bit of a jump from dropping the urn in 1995 to the Bird's Nest of the 2008 Olympics, but this will eventually fit together...
"We must bid farewell to autocracy. Whatever shape it takes, whatever justification it gives, authoritarian government always ends up trampling on equality, denying justice and stealing happiness and laughter from the people.
We should also leave behind discrimination, because it is narrow-minded and ignorant, denies contact and warmth; and corrodes mankind's belief that we can better ourselves. The only way to avoid misunderstanding, war and bloodshed is to defend freedom of expression and to communicate with sincerity, concern and good intentions.
The "Bird's Nest" National Stadium, which I helped to conceive, is designed to embody the Olympic spirit of "fair competition". It tells people that freedom is possible but needs fairness, courage and strength. Following the same principles, I will stay away from the opening ceremony, because I believe the freedom of choice is the basis of fair competition. It is the right I cherish most."

Judge rules that we can flash our headlights at others to warn of speed traps

This past week a trial judge in St. Louis decided that drives are allowed to exercise their first amendment rights and flash their headlights at other motorists to warn them that there is a speed trap in their near future.

This is the result of a lawsuit filed by the ACLU of Missouri after a man was ticketed for flashing his lights at oncoming motorists to warn of the oncoming trap. He claimed that the ticket violated his constitutional rights and that turned out to be true.

Finally. A judge with some common sense. There is no reason why we can't warn each other about speed traps. Most of them are set up in scandalous manners and only undertaken in order to pay the salaries of policement. They have speeding ticket quotas to meet each month. I'm shocked that a judge sided with us proles on this one because i've only heard of the opposite decision being made throughout recorded history until this decision

Humble, Truth, and Pride

One morning as I drove out of our community fresh from a vacation, I noticed a boutique shop was built, and it came to my knowledge that it takes months from the exterior to the interior decoration for the concept of the said boutique shop as what the owner dreams of. Then one day the owner change his mind and decided to stop the plan due to some problems arising within his family. So, in just days they changed the concept and design of the boutique shop.

What had planned and conceptualized for months was taken down for just short days. What is true of some businesses today is even more true to our dignity. We all try to build it up for years, but in just a single harsh mistake we accidentally or intentionally make, will easily be torn down apart in seconds.

People who undergo to this fate deserves not just a second chance, but “chances”! For as long as we are here, we are still vulnerable to make mistakes, and the only thing we should do is to acknowledge that mistakes, because as long as we will not accept it, we can never seek for forgiveness. We must realize that pride seeks to destroy our dignity, but humble and truth opens up us to a new and forgiving world. 

may peace fill the hearts of those who hate

may peace fill the hearts of those who hate" read this on a note left on a sort of memorial at showalter fountain. and like it. and i also know that im my heart there is so much blackness, so much pride, so much sin. things that destroy just as much as hate, though prehaps on a more personal and less violent note. anything in our hearts but the peace of Christ will corrode us, and leave us empty. i praise God that He's rescued me and daily intercedes for me. there is so much freedom in embracing our brokeness, for being seen as we are. and we hate it but long for it. we envy those we meet who are broken, who are honest, who have nothing to hide. we all aspire to be "who we are", and then mtv tells us who that is. i'm so glad that my identity is more than the music i listen to or the jeans i wear. all that will burn and fade away to nothing. i chooose truth, i choose life. suppose we're frustrated with the plasitc political crap that goes on and passes for the church. let's love deeply. "love the LORD your God with all your heart mind strength, and love your nieghbor as yourself" 

so it's been like 20 years since i wrote on this

so it's been like 20 years since i wrote on this.

alright.

i guess i could rant. i don't know. frustrated. with myself. my own pride. my lack of ability to express he feelings and deep thoughts i have. words funk everything up. i guess i wish i had someone here who understood. who shared the passion i have for seeing freedom in my own life and the life of those around me. and i suppose the sunday school answer is that God does. and i think i believe that. but God's got no shoulder i can lean on, a hand i can hold, hair i can smell, etc.. sooooo it'll work out. i think i'm at a crossroads of sorts. one way i could go would be to shun the fellowship i've known in the past, allow bitterness to consume and eventually kill me, turning me to a lifeless little fart of a shell of a man. or i could deal with my feelings and get through the bitterness. love. love. crazy love. i guess with Jesus i know it's a relationship. and people around me seem to make it into some systemized thingy. religion. and i think i despise that. my jesus has freedom for us each. yet people invoke His name to put chains on people. and yeah i've done it myself. i know how it works. religion. and i guess i'm rebelling. against the social institution of the church. and i hope that's fine. i'm not rebelling against God, just a misconception commonly held about Him.

wonder about some things

wonder about some things. like little tiny bugs. crawling all over the grass and we don't see them generally. but when we get down real close smelling the dirt i start to notice. all these levels of life and bugs that are so small that they're really small. like as small as this period on this computer screen. yeah. and they're all running around jumpin all over and we don't even know. makes me feel like a big honkin giant. like in that movie with mickey mouse and the big giant. remember how he rolled up a bale of hay and smoked it like a cigar? funny. the giant.

and so there's still time. and hope

and so there is still time. and hope. i guess that sometimes i get overwhelmed(or is it just 'whelmed'?) at my situation. but i don't understand it cause my situation is fine. good great even. nothing to complain about except that it can feel so mundane and i can feel so alone. but there's movement towards being with people. a book club. something. people together talking over a book. and drinks. i think people are essential. and i've been trying too long to live in isolation, even if it's been unintentional. i guess theres some light breaking. and my eyes are sore and resistant. i just want to roll over and pull the covers over my head. a part of me. then theres another that wants to be exposed naked. look people in the eyes and be known. and my heart leaps. 

yeah.. so movement. get going.

so in class i made everyone laugh

so in class i made everyone laugh. among all the stale reciting of the hindi dialogue i exaggerated and laughed. and i am glad. something like a windbreak. something more comfortable. something a bit easier and better all around. maybe we'll grow and learn together. isn't that life? and i'm supposing that all class could be should be like that. but it's not. but maybe i can bring something; an agent for change. cause we'd all of us students do much better to realize that we're all the same. embrace one another and rise above endurance into enjoyment. is it just a state of mind? 

your pain is the breaking of the shell

your pain is the breaking of the shell 

that encloses your understanding 

even as the stone of the fruit must break, 

that it's heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain 

and could you keep your heart in wonder 

at the daily miracles of your life, 

your pain would not seem less wonderous than your joy; 

and you would accept the seasons of your heart, 

even as you have always accepted the seasons 

that pass over your fields. 

and you would watch with serenity 

through the winters of your grief 

much of your pain is self-chosen 

it is the bitter potion by which the physician 

within you heals your sick self 

therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy 

in silence and tranquility;; 

for his hand, though heavy and hard, 

is guided by the tender hand of the unseen, 

and the cup he brings, 

though it burn your lips, 

has been fashioned of the clay 

which the Potter has 

moistened 

with His own 

sacred tears." 

-kahil gibran in "the prophet"

Come thou Fount of every blessing

Come thou Fount of every blessing; Tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
Streams of mercy, never ceasing, Call for songs of loudest praise. 
Teach me some melodious sonnet, Sung by flaming tongues above,
Praise the mount; I'm fixed upon it: Mount of thy unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, Hither by thy help I'm come 
And I hope, by thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home, 
Wand'ring from the fold of God, 
He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed his precious blood, 


O to grace how great a debtor Daily I'm constrained to be! 
Let they grace, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to thee 
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love, 
Here's my heart. O take and seal it; Seal it for thy courts above. 
----- 
been listening to a sufjan stevens rendition of this. why can these old songs speak so much more than all the new ones? 

school starting again and every semester it's the same

school starting again and every semester it's the same. i want to stop and run off and do better, more beautiful things. it's hard. why am i here? i guess that in two years i'll be done and able to teach. and more doors will be open and all that responsiblity crap. but for now i think i'm allowed to question my being where i am. 
the chronicles of narnia are some of the most beautiful things ever. 

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